You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
