my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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