i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
