The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Randomize
