Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
