we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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