Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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