Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
