Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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