I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
