why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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