Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
