I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
