they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
MIDGETS
????
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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