He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
