trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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