i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
No stitches, just platelets and will power
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
