Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
