she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
