Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize