Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
