Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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