I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
