I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
