I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
