He uses pillows to masturbate.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
