the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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