if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
