It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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