So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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