Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
high people should be assigned attendants
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My life is pants optional.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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