There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Randomize
