and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
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