Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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