Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize