We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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