We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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