oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
