I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
