Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
