in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
