Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
