Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
