she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
