so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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