I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
