My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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