i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You dont lie about slip and slides
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize