Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize