I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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