i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
