She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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