I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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