so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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