Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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