An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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