Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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