Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
