Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
