Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The air taste purple.
Randomize
