he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
