i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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