I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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