Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
