you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
