Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
