woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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