What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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