Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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