I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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