i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
