I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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