and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
wow bdsm is so cute
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
