You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
