There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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