so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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