is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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