Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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