You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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