i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
