The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
