So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
