Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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