): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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