my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
