Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
