I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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