It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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